He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
