1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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