i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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