My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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