she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
