I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
