I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
