Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
