Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my poor anus
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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