You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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