but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
