Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
