fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
