she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
