Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
