Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
