I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
