My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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