): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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