We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
