Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
