Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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