Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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