i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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