no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
