ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
