If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
