Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
