I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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