Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
