this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
