Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
