I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
