just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The best revenge is premature balding
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
