I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
