living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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