so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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