I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
