I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
