I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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