I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
