Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
