none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize