At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Couch. On fire.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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