he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
