You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
