matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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