Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
