remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
