I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
