the new term for farting is butt boxing.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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