if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
