So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
